Teen problems
23 Jun 2009
Dear Auntie Fola,
My daughters are now in their teens - the sexually active age group. The thought that they might soon be in a relationship fills me with horror, especially when I think about all the sexually transmitted infections out there. I find it difficult to talk to them about sex and sexual health. My wife complains that I worry too much about the matter. The thing is, I feel I do not worry enough. I have thought about restricting the girls’ movements, like by imposing curfew, but I know that it will not work. What can I do?
Tom, New Cross
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Dear Tom
Auntie Fola
23 Jun 2009 14:58
You need to understand that although you and your family are African, you now live in a different environment to where you were born. Here in the UK, parental involvement in educating teenagers about sexual health is common.
You and your wife need to improve your communication skills so you can both ‘connect’ with the girls and ensure everybody is relaxed about discussing sex and relationship issues. There is no need for lectures. Casual remarks about the advantages of postponing sex and the risks associated with unsafe sex (e.g. pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections) can make a big impression.
Try and avoid actions that affect your children’s rights, as they could lead to child protection issues. Finally, encourage the girls to access sexual health information that is available from charities and some young people’s websites.
Fola
Teenagers
Phillipa
28 Jun 2009 15:02
Dear Tom,
I am a mother of a 24 year old. I went through the teenage tantrums phase. Our African Children born in England have different mentality than those in Africa. My daughter was a sweet little girl until she turned 16, she thought she knew more about life than me her mom. I am a single mum, but grew up in a strict African culture. My daughter started going out and hanging out with friends. She started telling lies that she would be at this party and other and turned out she was never there. I can imagine the fear you have. I feared she would end up with a mature African man who was tired of life, who had been there, done that. That scared me to death. But one day I sat my daughter down, and spoke to her in a very calm and collected manner. I started the conversation by talking about current issues in newspapers, asked her opinion and what she thought about the current life we live in, the environment we live in, talked about the dangers, the every day stabbings, deaths, teenage pregnancies, raising a baby on your own and lastly I brought the topic of Hepititis C and HIV. I was surprised how much she knew about current affairs, HIV and all other diseases via school. She opened up and it was my opportunity to tell her my fears and suggest good practice. I am lucky, she finished her nursing and is a qualified paediatric nurse, recently got married and has a baby daughter. My son-in-law, is one-in-a-million and they are both religious.
So I recommend: sit and talk to your children during their puberty, that is the dangerous phase in their lifes and if you lose that grip at this stage that's it.
Good Luck!
Pippa
Good blog
W. Allmart
21 Oct 2009 04:18
I express my deep gratitude for your hard work.
Dear Tom
Boys Military Schools
30 Oct 2009 05:02
It is true on this that in that stage your daughters are exposed to explore many things with the chosen peers and its environment. The best way to know what they are doing is through communication. A good communication to your daughters are much appreciated. It is normal to set curfews but if there are instances that they are late going home let them speak on what are the reasons don't flare up be like a mediator and it will end well.
Beautimaful!
Brad Careyshaw
18 Dec 2009 20:01
There were always people who can write beautifully and you are among them.