What it means to be gay in the African community

Stephane Djedje is a gay Christian living in London. He has appeared on the BBC program ‘Inside Out’, and his is one of hundreds of stories that are rarely told. At a time when gay men still face rejection from many black communities, Stephane speaks candidly to Mambo about his experiences among Evangelical Christians. 

MAMBO: When did you first realize you were gay?

DJEDJE: I knew that I was gay when I was about five. As I was growing up in Cote- d’Ivoire, I started to question my sexuality. There wasn’t a lot of freedom in the country, then. There still isn’t. Homosexuality exists, but it is being held back. Because I was involved with the church, I knew it was going to be difficult for my family and fellow church members to accept my being gay.

MAMBO: Did you tell anyone about your sexuality, back then?

DJEDJE: I told a few friends and some people from my church that I thought I might be gay. I was afraid they would reject me. Thanks God, they did not. However, my immediate family had difficulty accepting it, at first. My biggest worry was my mum. I did not want her to reject me or feel bad about my sexuality.

MAMBO: Were things easier for you when you moved to England?

DJEDJE: I came to England to improve my language skills and to study. Yes, I did find attitudes here a bit more relaxed. There was more tolerance. But living with my aunt, there wasn’t a lot of freedom! She noticed I was going out a lot and coming home late. She soon found out I was gay and her attitude towards me changed. I had to choose between living with her and being myself. I decided to move out.

MAMBO: How was life on your own?

DJEDJE: It was quite difficult. I had never been by myself before. After completing my three-year study of English, I began a degree course in a theological college. Combining studies and surviving was tough at first, but I was determined to push through.

MAMBO: At the college, how did people react to your being gay?

DJEDJE: The lecturers’ views about homosexuality were very traditional.  One lecturer told students that homosexuality began when “a straight man didn’t want to have sex with his wife.” Their ideas were very institutionalized, and that really upset me. To them, homosexuality was a sin, an act without love. I was disappointed that such educated people could hold such a view. I did not expect them to agree with homosexuality, but at least I expected them to be a little bit more understanding.

MAMBO: What happened after you appeared on TV?

DJEDJE: The BBC programme ‘Inside Out’ programme was about being a gay man in the Black and religious community. Most of my classmates and teachers saw the programme. Two weeks before my exams I was called into the principle’s office and forced to make a difficult choice. The principle had heard about the TV programme. He asked me what my position was on homosexuality. When I told him I was gay, he asked me to leave the college. Just like that. “You’re gay; homosexuality is wrong, when you’re ready to change, get back to us,” he said.

MAMBO: Why do you think it was hard for them to accept your sexuality?

DJEDJE: Personally, I think it’s a culture thing; it’s old beliefs and there’s little you can do about it. People said: “You can’t support homosexuality if you are Christian.” I was very upset. I believe you have to learn what the homosexual person is for yourself. Not what you’re told. I tried to teach them that being gay isn’t just what they hear or see on TV.

MAMBO: What was your reaction to the expulsion?

DJEDJE: I felt lost, but then luckily, I was able to enrol in another college. Officials at the new college did not mind that I was gay. Although I didn’t tell everybody about my sexuality, I felt happier and free there. I settled down into my bible studies and was able to get a better understanding of my sexuality.

MAMBO: Was it difficult for you to reconcile your sexuality with your faith?

DJEDJE: It was difficult at first. I had no support but I wasn’t expecting any! You have to keep your own self-esteem high, otherwise you get confused. You start thinking things like ‘did I do the right thing? Should I stop being who I am?’ Of course, it was tough, and once or twice, it made me question my faith. The thing is, if you don’t have a good understanding of the Bible, you will have difficulty accepting both Christianity and homosexuality in your life.

MAMBO: What lessons have your experiences taught you? 

DJEDJE: I think I’m a lot wiser, now. I’m a stronger person and I have more self-confidence. I don’t want to change who I am. I believe God made me complete as a person, so why should I need to change my sexuality for the sake of other people? I’m now looking forward to supporting other people who, like me, are both Christian and gay.

If you are gay, or not sure about your sexuality and need help and support, please contact the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard on 020 7837 7324, or call THT Direct on 0845 1221200.

Posted On: 16 June 2009 at 12:12PM
Tags: African and gay

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