Let's talk about sex

How many of us talk about sexual health with our partner? Not very many, according to a recent survey commissioned by the government. Yes, people in the UK may do lots of sex, but very few of us are willing to engage in conversations about issues related to sex - and this may be putting our health at risk. 

Conducted by research company Onepoll (www.onepoll.com), the survey found 31% of adults in the UK never discuss sexual health issues with their partners, and more than a quarter are too embarrassed to ask the questions they would really like to. Also, one in six people questioned were not aware that some sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes and genital warts, cannot be cured using antibiotics, while 11% believed having sex when standing up cannot lead to pregnancy.

An earlier sex survey of Africans paints a similar picture. Conducted by SIGMA research, the survey found 36% of Africans questioned either did not know how to or indicated a lack of confidence in their ability to talk bout sexual health with a new partner (source: BASS Line 2007 Survey; Assessing the sexual HIV prevention needs of African people in England; SIGMA Research; 2008).

Knowing the risks

Not asking questions about sexual health may lead to unnecessary risk-taking during sex, particularly if a condom is not used. Infections that can be picked up or passed on include: 

• Gonorrhoea;
• Syphilis;
• Chlamydia;
• Herpes;
• Genital warts;
• Hepatitis B;
• HIV

The risk of getting or passing on a sexually transmitted infection increases with the number of sex partners we have. Many of us come from a cultural background where having multiple partnerships are widely accepted (South African President Jacob Zuma has three wives!). In the UK, it is illegal to be married to more than one wife; last year in Croydon, a man originally from Malawi was charged in court with being married to three different women at the same time. In the BASS Line 2007 survey, one in eight African men questioned said they had five or more different sex partners in the last year, as compared to one in 18 women.

Talking about sexual health

There is no single magic formula for getting your new partner to talk about their sexual health. The main thing is for both of you to be clear about the risks involved in a sexual act. Often, letting the partner know that you care for their welfare as well as yours will help make them feel more at ease.

The following are among the things you may want to talk about:

• Safer sex: Let them know why you think it is important to use a condom;
• You can begin by talking about your own sexual health first, and then go on to ask your partner about their sexual health;
• Find out about your partner’s preferred sexual techniques, bearing in mind that some styles or techniques are dangerous. You could get hurt or suffer pain, which would spoil the joy of sex for you.

Other things to think about:

• Be prepared: If you have arranged to have sex with a new partner, it is safer to have it in a place you are familiar with and feel secure in;
• Carry a condom - do not assume that your partner will bring one. 
• Don’t make assumptions: Some people may assume that they are negative, while in fact they have the virus. Around one in three people with HIV in the UK are unaware they are infected;
• Your partner may have taken the HIV test some months ago, but if in the interim period they engaged in unsafe sex, they could have picked up the virus;
• In the UK, people who are aware they have HIV can now be prosecuted if they have unprotected sex with someone which leads to infection, unless they can prove they told the partner well before-hand.

Condoms

Condoms remain the best protection against sexually transmitted infections. The good news is that, nowadays, it is easier to obtain condoms free of charge from some African community organisations, sexual health charities, some family doctors, family planning or sexual health clinics.

Condom myths

• Condoms are too small for African men: This is not true. Condoms are made from very flexible latex materials; they can accommodate any size of penis;
• Condoms are being donated to people in Africa primarily because the West wants to slow down population growth in the continent: Not true: Condoms save lives – by preventing the transmission of serious infections such as HIV and hepatitis. Many people in African cannot afford condoms;
• Condoms exported to Africa have been deliberately contaminated with HIV and other viruses so Africans can get diseases and die: There is no evidence this sort of thing has happened.

For more information on condom use and how to get free condoms, please visit www.doitright.uk.com. Alternatively, you can check out THT’s booklet ‘Your sexual health’ (to get a copy please call THT Direct on 0845 1221200) or call the African AIDS Helpline on 0800 0967500 or African Culture Promotions on 020 8687 0339.

PEP

A condom may break or slip off, or there could be spillage of semen. If you have been exposed to HIV in this or any other manner, you can quickly go to a NHS hospital and request for PEP (or post-exposure prophylaxis). PEP involves giving antiretroviral drugs to a person who has recently had an accident or unsafe sex. The drugs kill off the HIV virus before it has entered and infected the human cell. For PEP to work, you’d need to start taking it within 24 hours of exposure. After 72 hours, PEP is unlikely to be of any help.

For more information about PEP or where you can ask for PEP, please call THT Direct on 0845 1221200 or visit www.tht.org.uk. Alternatively, visit www.nhs.uk.

Other common myths about sex

• HIV cannot be transmitted if the man withdraws just before ejaculation:  HIV can also be in pre-cum (the colourless fluid that comes out of a man’s penis when he is turned on); the virus can be transmitted during sex unless a condom is used;
• Sex without a condom is more enjoyable: There is no evidence to back up this myth. It can be argued that, on the contrary, using a condom gives a couple the peace of mind that will make them enjoy sex more;
• A woman cannot become pregnant as a result of sex during her period: Contrary to popular belief, the period of ovulation may vary from month to month. It’s possible for a woman to ovulate twice over a one- or two-week period. The male sperm can survive for up to seven days. If a sperm penetrates an egg released during an early second period, pregnancy can occur;
• A woman cannot become pregnant as a result of ‘upright sex’ (having sex when standing up): The male sperm has a tail that can propel it in all directions, including upwards.

Sex toys

Nowadays, many people are choosing to use toys when having sex. Sex toys can be fun because they add to the excitement of love-making; however, they can also be a health risk, especially if shared by many people or stored in dirty places.

Looking after your sex toy

These are some of the measures you can take to ensure your sex toy remains safe for use:

• Avoid sharing your sex toy with people who are not your regular partner;
• Cover your sex toy with a condom, to reduce the risk of acquiring or passing on a sexually transmitted infection;
• Check your newly-bought sex toy for any imperfections, such as discoloration, tears, or cracks;
• Use the right lubricant. Water-based lubricants can be used with any type of sex toy. 
• Regularly cleanse your sex toys, certainly before and after each time you use them. 
• Store your sex toys in a cool, clean, dry place, away for pets or children. Always remove the batteries before storing.

For more information about the safe use of sex toys, please check out NAM’s book, hiv transmission & testing (2009 edition, page 47). To order a copy, please call 020 7840 0050. Also visit out http://www.sexuality.org/sextoys for more information on sex toys.

Oral sex

Oral sex involves stimulation of a partner’s sexual organs using the mouth or tongue. There are two main types of oral sex: ‘fellatio’, or sucking of the penis, and ‘cunnilingus’, the sucking or licking of the vagina.

HIV can be passed on via oral sex, although the risk is not as big as in unprotect vaginal or anal sex.  The level of risk depends on the following factors:

• The presence of sores or inflammation on the mouth or throat;
• Whether the partner ejaculated in the mouth;
• Whether the person giving the oral sex brushed or flossed recently;
• How many times a person engages in oral sex;
• The amount of HIV in the saliva of the person giving the oral sex.

If you want to give or receive oral sex, it’s wise to note the following:

• Avoid brushing or flossing your teeth nearer to the time of oral sex;
• Avoid ejaculating or taking semen in the mouth;
• Use a dental dam;
• Avoid giving oral sex if you have sores or inflammation in your mouth or throat.

For more information about oral sex, please refer to NAM’s booklet hiv transmission & testing (2009 edition). To order a copy, please call 020 7840 0050.

Posted On: 27 April 2010 at 04:46PM
Tags: HIV, PEP, sex, transmission, sexually transmitted infections

Comments (0)