Miracle dating: Just one more thing you need to know

Many African churches in the UK now deliver ‘singles seminars’ – events attended by single people who want God’s help to find ‘the right partner’. Popularly known as ‘miracle dating’, the events involve discussions around values and being faithful to one’s partner. But could pastors do more to prepare prospective couples for a happy and fulfilling life? Bunmi Arogunmati investigates.

I had heard so much about faith-based singles events from adverts, and read testimonies of people who attended. One woman described how she received a proposal 24 hours after participating in a Lagos (Nigeria) event. Another Nigerian lady wanted God to help her find a husband within a month. And within a month, she was married. Right on schedule!

The event I attended in Docklands, east London, was useful in helping participants understand what sort of values a Christian should look for in a partner. However, for me the one thing missing was any mention of sexual health. When I asked the event co-ordinator, her response was that sexual health was ‘best left to couples’.

But in this age of HIV and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), church leaders should consider covering sexual health when talking to couples. In the UK, Black Africans are disproportionately affected by HIV; although representing less than 2% of the total UK population, Black Africans account for 35% of people livig with HIV. In Africa, church leaders routinely discuss sexual health and encourage couples to go for an HIV test; our pastors here should consider doing the same. Once a couple know their HIV status, they are more likely to make better decisions regarding their sexual health.

As someone who attends church regularly, I know that chirch leaders are in a good position to offer good sexual health advice to couples. I also know that many members of the congregation lack the confidence to talk to their pastor about about sexual health.

If you attend, or plan to attend ‘singles seminars’, the following scenarios might apply to you:

My pastor doesn’t talk about sexual health. What can I do?

If your pastor cannot or will not talk about sexual health, you can get accurate information and advice from sexual health charities. For contact details call THT Direct on 0808 802 1221 (freephone, including on most mobile networks) or the confidential ‘I Do It Right’ helpline on 0800 0967 500 (freephone).

The Bible says no sex before marriage. Why should I have an HIV test if I haven’t had sex before?

There should be no reason to test a couple who have abstained (never had sex). The problem is that someone may tell you they’ve abstained but you will not know for certain whether they are telling the truth. Having an HIV test is the only way you’ll know.

What do we do if one of us tests HIV positive?

Having HIV should not mean the end of your relationship. Using condoms during sex will cut the risk of passing on the virus. Secondly, HIV can be kept under control using medicines, meaning there is less risk of transmission.

If one of us has HIV, does that mean we cannot have children?

Not necessarily. Nowadays, HIV drugs can reduce the amount of the virus in the body, making the person less infectious. If you and your positive partner have been using condoms for sex but now want to try for a baby, you should discuss with a medical expert about when it is safe to have unprotected sex in order to achieve a pregnancy. As long as the positive partner’s viral load is undetectable (less than 50 per cubic millilitre) there is little risk of passing HIV on. After a pregnancy is confirmed, you could discuss with the doctor about going back to using condoms. Nowadays because of modern medicines, women in the UK who have HIV give birth to babies who are HIV negative.

For more information about sexual health and HIV, please visit www.mambo.org.uk; for information about HIV and relationships, visit www.myHIV.org.uk

Posted On: 09 December 2011 at 02:19PM
Tags: faith, african, sex, relationships, dating, church

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